petal circles

lol got a jump-scare from this and knew I had to save it. I’m excited for the step of getting on e, but at the same time I know it’s actually a big step - no matter how secret it can feel to take the shot, making it regular is ACTUALLY part of PRESENTING full time! If I am on it, I’ll need to remember to keep up with what’s happening, and ideally even get ahead of it! This is a direct challenge to my typical MO of… not sharing things publicly. Even slightly publicly, like using Asa’s name with a coworker, or telling my mom about even an inconsequential choice I’m making. I’m hopeful that going to trans events and being social with trans people will help make it a smaller pill to swallow. It’s just… there’s so much attention given when something like that is shared. Immediately the situation seems to shift to one of judgment, or if not judgment then simply being acknowledged. But that’s still feels like too much when it’s big! This is something that will affect other people’s lives, even in a small way, and they always seem to make a deal out of that. If there’s anything I can’t stand, it’s having a deal made about me. Like James and Maria, from Nevada. Immediately seeking dissociation when things aren’t fully in-pocket.

I’m so James and/or Maria. Yikes.