A thousand junctures
There is a whole new world of choices to make. I am constantly facing intersections of decisions.
I spent the last few days in Baltimore, half for work and half to visit my brother and his fiance. I had a great time, but was confounded by how often I considered if I should just come out to him. I decided I wasn’t ready, as I don’t have my feet under me enough at this point. I feel like, for my own sake, I need to take more time and get my feet under myself a little more. I want to do some more personally affirming things so I can feel settled on my path.
Each of those steps is more decisions, though! I want to get laser, pursue voice training, think about a name, do more social stuff, and feel more “out” in my day to day life. I feel a concern that if I take bigger steps, especially with my family, then to get knocked off my feet would come with bigger consequences. If I have practice standing, and have been through lower-stakes challenges and can see how to weather those, then it will be easier to know I can withstand whatever weirdness or surprises or what have you that comes up with my family.